Protection against manipulation
Protecting is usually easier than attacking. It's always easier to destroy than to create. However, in the case of manipulations, the situation is different: after all, the "attack" is carried out secretly, imperceptibly for a potential victim. The fact that we landed in the trap laid by the manipulator is realized, as a rule, much later, when there is not much that can be corrected. Therefore, the main task of anti-manipulative actions is to recognize manipulation.
Its outward signs are usually:
• exaggerated compliment, demonstration of sudden benevolence;
• speedy speech;
• Offensive, pressure, the desire not to give initiative in any way,
• the requirement for immediate decision-making;
• too generous promises or an exaggeration of the amount of possible losses;
• Inequality of responsibility: blurred for the requester and complete in the addressee's requirements;
• elements of psychological pressure, pressure;
• A feeling of inconvenience, awkwardness, inner dissonance: it would seem that you do not want to yield to the demand, and, apparently, you will, because otherwise we will expose ourselves in a bad light.
If the manipulative intentions of the communication partner are confidently determined, then you should give yourself a categorical order: "Stop! Do not make a decision right now. " The meaning of such imperative is that it is necessary to avoid automatic response to the signals triggered by manipulators, triggering behavioral mechanisms, debugged on the principles of exchange, consistency, authority, favor, etc. Under any pretext, the decision-making should be delayed, and then, in a calm atmosphere, slowly sort it out with him: why should we do it, and should we do it at all.
When analyzing the deferred batch most likely it turns out that the threat of violating the principles of consistency, respect for authority, etc. is fictitious, and that these principles will not be affected if we refuse the manipulator. However, even if the latter are right, and our image of a principled person may suffer, this is not the most terrible tragedy in life.
Every normal person has the right:
• make a mistake and answer for it;
• change your mind;
• independently decide whether to take responsibility for other people's problems;
• Recognize your misunderstanding or incompetence, etc.
Similar things happen to every one of us from time to time. And they are not at all an unequivocal testimony of our stupidity, callousness or lack of principle. Do not demand from the world of perfection. Then it will be much easier to decide what we really need should do and whom exactly we need it.
So, the main protective tool against manipulation can be presented as a recommendation - do not make a decision in a hurry, in conditions of time deficit. Find a way to calmly think about the problem, weigh the pros and cons. By the way, it may well be that it is more profitable to yield, to meet the manipulator. If not, then further, depending on the situation, you can act in two ways: offensive or defensive.
An offensive type of action is recommended if the subject of disagreement is principled for both parties. In this case, it is advisable to "expose" manipulation, show the manipulator that the mechanics of his actions are "transparent" for the intended victim, and therefore his tactics are doomed to failure. Exposure Session is also useful in situations of repetitive manipulation (the so-called psychological games ),
In most situations, there is enough defensive tactics. You can simply ignore manipulative techniques, demonstrate your disinterestedness. The main thing in this case is not to enter into a discussion with the manipulator. If you are imposing a product, and you do not want to take it, do not answer the question "why?". You do not have to justify yourself for your actions. Just say "no".
Manipulation, i.e. hidden management of people for mercenary purposes, is not the most pleasant thing in the world. It's a shame when they hold you for a fool. However, the scale of this phenomenon is unlikely to diminish in the near future. After all, the complexity, tension and differentiation of modern business life are constantly growing. Hence, the need to use stereotypical mechanisms of behavior also increases - it is necessary to have at least some reliable guidelines in such a changeable world. But it is on them, as we have seen, and parasitic manipulators. Of course, they do not commit obvious crimes. Manipulators, rather, are playing a certain game according to only known rules. However, if these rules are understood (and for a psychological science they do not make a special secret), then there is a real chance to "overplay" manipulators.
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