6.6. Ways to resolve conflicts
Studies show that not the very presence of conflicts, namely, failures in resolving them in non-constructive ways lead to the destruction of interrelationships. Mutual relations without conflicts can be a sign that relations as such are absent, and not signs of having good relationships. Conflict resolution in a constructive way can lead to a higher degree of convergence and a higher quality of relationships (Figure 6.4).
Fig. 6.4. Conflict resolution model
Managing conflicts, you need:
- recognize that they always take place;
- treat conflicts as part of a larger "picture";
- do not let the conflicts fade away, use them to advance to the intended goals.
Clarification of requirements for work:
- Expected work results;
- information transfer channels;
- system of authority and responsibility;
- policies, procedures and rules. Coordination and integration mechanisms:
- the hierarchy of authority regulates people's interactions, decision-making and information flows;
- the rule "the boss is always right", the use of project teams, cross-functional teams, inter-departmental meetings.
Organization-wide and integrated goals:
- effective implementation of the goals requires the joint efforts of all employees.
The structure of the reward system:
- the coordinated use of the reward system promotes the implementation of organizational goals and supports the internal policy of the company.
o Avoidance - do not go to conflict, walk away, postpone the problem.
o Adaptation - neglect your own interests for the sake of satisfying the interests of another person.
o Competition - Defending your own interests or rights at the expense of others, the desire to "win."
o Compromise - finding a mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both sides.
o Collaboration - development of a solution that fully satisfies both sides; deep penetration into the heart of the matter and search for an alternative solution; open communication and effective interaction, good working atmosphere.
Strategies for behavior in conflict. Scientists have identified six main motivations with which people interact.
1. The motivation for maximizing the overall win (or co-operative motive).
2. The motivation for maximizing one's own winnings (or individualism).
3. The motivation for maximizing relative gains (competition).
4. The motivation for maximizing the winnings of others (altruism).
5. The motive for minimizing the win of another (aggression).
6. The motive for minimizing the differences in winnings (equality).
If the motives of communication coincide or naturally supplement each other, then the contacts of such people will be most successful. There are also knowingly "losing", from the point of view of the success of communication, the motives of behavior. Here, of course, one can single out aggression and individualism, which ignore the interests of the partner in communication. In accordance with the motives, it is possible to distinguish features of the behavior strategy.
Let's imagine the interaction as a process unfolding in the coordinate system (Figure 6.5). On the ordinate axis we will arrange those interaction strategies that are oriented towards achieving participants' own goals. And on the abscissa - strategies aimed at achieving the goals of communication partners.
Fig. 6.5. Strategies for interaction in a conflict situation (Thomas-Kilman grid)
Accordingly, on each of the scales, a minimum point and a maximum point can be selected. Then, in accordance with the initial motivation of the participants in communication, five main strategies for their behavior in the interaction process can be distinguished.
o The counteraction strategy (P) corresponds to the motivation for maximizing your own winnings. A person is focused only on his own interests and goals without taking into account the goals of the communication partners. This is a competition, a forceful solution to the problem.
o The avoidance strategy (I) corresponds to the motivation for minimizing the winnings of another. The meaning of this strategy is to avoid contact, true interaction, one's own goals for the sake of excluding the winnings of another.
o The strategy of compromise (K) allows us to realize the motive for minimizing differences in winnings. The essence of this strategy is the incomplete achievement of the partners' goals for the sake of conditional equality.
o The cooperation strategy (C) is aimed at the full satisfaction of participants in the interaction of their social needs. This strategy makes it possible to realize one of the two motives of a person's social behavior - the motive of cooperation or the motive of competition. This strategy is the most effective in the interaction of people. At the same time, it is quite difficult to implement, as it requires considerable psychological efforts from the partners in communication to create the appropriate climate, to resolve the arising contradictions in the spirit of mutual understanding, respect for the interests of the other. In many cases, training people to cooperate skills is an independent psychological task that can be solved by methods of active social and psychological training.
o The strategy of compliance (Y) is oriented towards the realization of the motive of altruism. In this case, the person sacrifices his own goals for the sake of achieving the goal of the partner. He adapts to the other person and to the situation as a whole.
There are no bad and good ways to resolve a conflict situation. What is suitable in one case may not be appropriate in another. More important is the flexibility in using different strategies.
Avoidance or withdrawal.
Leaving the conflict and not taking part in the further development of events, you thereby provoke an opponent to overstate claims or return care. Thus, the problem will not be solved. But during your absence, it can grow significantly. What could be easily solved at the initial stage of the disagreement will be difficult to solve when the problem has grown to huge proportions.
Although if your disagreement is unimportant and the winnings are small, if the resolution of this disagreement distracts you from more important cases, if you are sorry to waste your time solving an insignificant problem, and the loss seems to be such a trifle, which you should not even pay attention to - it's easier to leave and forget that this person exists. This method is also good, if you need to "extend the time", collect additional information. Avoidance forms:
- Demonstrative care.
- Hidden anger.
- Ignoring an opponent.
- Bone washing the offender behind him.
- Going to purely business relationships .
- Indifferent ratio.
- Full refusal of any relationship with the "guilty" side.
Man tries at all costs to maintain a good relationship. Sharp corners are diligently smoothed out, contradictions "are covered", their interests are suppressed. It pretends that nothing has happened, that everything is fine. Of course, sometimes it happens that conflicts are resolved only through the maintenance of friendly relations. This tactic justifies itself if you were not right if the restoration of the relationship is more important for you than the essence of the conflict, if for you the concession is insignificant, whereas for the opponent it is very important or if defending one's position requires a lot of time and effort. If your opponent is much stronger than you, this tactic will also help you.
- You pretend that everything is in order and nothing terrible happens.
Continue to carry yourself so, as if nothing happened.
Accept what happens to not disturb peace.
- Suppress your negative emotions.
- You scold yourself for your irritability.
- Go to the goal bypassing, for example, using your charm to achieve the goal.
- Silence, bearing in mind the plans of revenge. Counteraction.
This is an open struggle for one's own interests, a tough defense of one's own position. The preference for this tactic is a subconscious desire to protect oneself from the pain of defeat. It certainly justifies itself if you need quick and decisive measures in a difficult situation, if the outcome is of great importance to you and much is at stake, if you have no choice and you have nothing to lose, and relations with the opposite side are deeply indifferent to you. But this tactic rarely brings long-term results. The decision is often sabotaged by the losing party. Beware of the defeated man! Countermeasures:
- The desire to prove their rightness and wrongness of another person.
- Puffing until your opponent changes his mind.
- Distort the abuser.
- Apply physical violence.
- Do not hear and not accept rejection.
- Require unconditional concessions and acceptance of your point of view.
- Outsmart rivals.
- Call for support to help allies.
- Require consent for the preservation of relations. Compromise.
You can try to resolve the differences by mutual concessions. The method can be useful if you are comfortable with a temporary solution, if it is important for you to negotiate with minimal losses, if time is short, and a decision is necessary if you want at least something to gain, rather than lose everything. However, if a compromise is achieved without a careful analysis of other possible solutions, it may not be the best outcome of the negotiations. But it is necessary to take into account that neither side will adhere to the decision that does not satisfy its needs.
Forms of Compromise:
- In the conflict, you try to maintain friendly, friendly relations.
- Look for a fair solution.
- You try to divide the object of desires equally.
- Avoid reminders about your championship.
- You get something for yourself and for others.
- Avoid frontal collisions.
- A bit inferior to maintain balance. Cooperation.
This strategy is also called "win/win". It differs from others in that the presence of a winner does not mean the presence of the defeated. When using the strategy, both sides win. You find a solution that satisfies both sides. When both sides win, they will support the decision. In any case, it is much better and much more profitable in the long run to deal with the opponent decently. No wonder there is a proverb: "Good glory lies, and the bad ahead runs." This is beneficial even from the economic side. Now that competition is growing, it is better to have a reputation as a decent person. Then they will want to work with you. The basic principle of this approach is based on the search for an agreement on the basis of an analysis of the parties' interest. This approach requires a detailed study of the situation and options for its resolution before making a final decision. To do this:
1. Determine which need is behind the desire of the other party.
2. Learn how your differences compensate each other.
3. Develop new solutions that best satisfy everyone's needs.
4. Do it together.
Analyze the interests of the parties. To successfully resolve the conflict, it is necessary to determine the true cause that generated it. The occasion lying on the surface is often just an excuse. Usually people are embarrassed to name the true cause of discontent, suggesting that this will hurt their pride or humiliate them. Often, only the identification of a real cause by the parties to the conflict quickly leads to a settlement of the relationship. It's necessary to work with the true cause of the conflict. Realizing the true needs of the other, it is easier to agree. Perhaps the differences are based on the different interests that stand behind the demands put forward. Imagine that your son loves music that you can not stand. How to be? Disputes, whether or not to include a tape recorder, will be resolved by themselves if you buy good headphones!
Mutual concessions. You can successfully apply a method that allows you to agree: each is inferior to the opponent those positions that in principle are not important to him. That is, you give what you do not need, but you need an opponent, and take what you need, but insignificant or insignificant for the opponent. In order to use this tactic, information is needed about what is significant to the opposite side. It's not always easy to find out, because people tend to believe that what's important to them is also important for another person.
Creative solution to the problem. If you are counting on a constructive solution and further cooperation, do not be lazy and prepare as many different variants of proposals as possible, the fulfillment of which will work on both opponents. Identify common interests, TC, which you can implement together.
It is very important that your proposals do not humiliate your opponent so that they give him the opportunity even in case of concessions "save your face". Talk about the possibility of mutually beneficial cooperation in the future. Lean on the common goals and interests of the parties. If you need to share some resource, use the following tactics: one divides, the other chooses (in which case everything will be "honestly").
Joint solution search. How to solve conflicts in real life? Search for compensating aspects of disagreements and think through solutions more effectively together. By this you show that you perceive your opponent as a partner, not as an opponent. To successfully resolve the conflict, start by reaching agreement on insignificant points and fix your opponent's attention to it.
Do not use expressions like yes, but ... & quot ;. It is much more productive not to deny a person's position, but to gently express their disagreement with him. This will help you with phrases like:
- You are right, and at the same time ...
- I understand your feelings, and at the same time ...
- We agreed with you on the following points ... Exclude the particle " from your lexicon. It only aggravates the contradiction. It's much more efficient to use turns like at the same time or at the same time & quot ;. For example: I understand your feelings. And yet deep down ... Using such a simple technique, you will achieve the person's location much faster than an open denial of his position.
When emotions overflow, the person does not listen to any arguments. He feels like an instrument of justice. Therefore, for starters, he should be given the opportunity to "release steam" and calm down. The most difficult at this moment is to remain calm. Try to distance yourself as much as possible from the negative emotions of your opponent and not let him start you. It is much more important to solve a common problem - to wait for the recession of emotions and the heat of passions. If moment of truth tightens, you can resort to a little trick: ask for permission to make a phone call or go away under any pretext. Perhaps in such a situation it would be advisable to transfer the conversation to another time.
It is very important to immediately cut the history of the conflict. Return to the roots only inflames passions and does not contribute to a happy outcome. It is not for nothing that it says: "Whoever remembers the old, the eye is out."
In any case, in a conflict, you must keep an active position and manage it. Take the initiative, try to talk with your opponent:
- Let's discuss what's going on.
- Something you and I have not gotten together lately.
- I'm worried that a "black cat" has run between us.
In this case, a person either begins to make excuses, or honestly says that he does not like. In any case, this is a dialogue, which means that there is an opportunity to resolve the tense situation. You can use phrases like:
- Well, offer alternative solutions to the conflict.
- What do you suggest specifically?
- We agreed that we need to work further (these words already guide the person to further events, to long-term cooperation).
We list the stages of the work.
1. Determine the needs of all parties to the conflict.
2. Think about how you can all meet them.
3. Recognize not only your own, but also other people's values.
4. Try to be objective, separate the problem from the person.
5. Look for creative and non-standard solutions.
6. Do not spare the problem, spare people.
In order to switch to the cooperation strategy, you can use the following phrases:
- I want a fair decision for both of us.
- Let's see how we can both get what we want.
- I came here to solve my problem. You can penetrate deep into the differences by using the following questions:
- Why does this seem like the best solution for you?
- What is the real need for this?
- What is important to you in this case?
- Suppose we solved this problem?
Such questions help to go forward and find the most optimal solution.
Where both sides win, they are more inclined to execute decisions, as they are acceptable to them and both sides took part in the whole process of reaching an agreement.
Conflict resolution is hindered:
- Emotions: anger, resentment, desire to take revenge.
- Unwillingness to listen to the other side.
- Assessing the conflict as insoluble.
- Avoiding negotiations.
Studies have established that approximately 80% of production conflicts are of a socio-psychological nature and move from production to interpersonal.
Because of strong emotions, the consciousness narrows, an objective analysis of the situation is blocked. About 15% of the working time is spent on conflicts and experiences on their behalf. If the conflict is inevitable, become its initiator to manage the situation and, perhaps, enjoy the fight. It is important to assess the inevitability of the conflict, its goals, means, strength and support on both sides.
The most dangerous thing - it does not ignore overdue conflict that transforms it into an internal plan inflame emotions and pulls into conflict new members.
Conflict can be managed.
It can be difficult for a leader to manage a conflict. As there are no identical conflicts, there is no uniform methodology for their resolution. Nevertheless, we can identify the main steps.
- Providing the necessary information to the conflicting parties, excluding false or distorted information, eliminating rumors, gossip, etc.
- The organization of effective communication between the conflicting parties and their supporters.
Working with informal leaders and micro-groups, strengthening the psychological climate in the team.
- Resolving personnel issues using the "carrot and stick" methods, encouragement and punishment, changing the conditions of interpersonal interaction. It is possible to use administrative methods, such as transfer to another job site, dismissal, etc.
In an interpersonal conflict, first listen to your opponent. Let him talk, talk about everything that worries him, annoy him that he does not like. Try to listen carefully to the person, distancing himself from his negative emotions. Do not interrupt the interlocutor, let him speak out. Only then you can understand what really bothers him, what is the real cause of the conflict, how he perceives himself and you and what he really wants. Only then he will be able to hear you. When a wave of emotions overwhelms, words are useless - they, unfortunately, will not be heard. At this moment a person remains deaf to any arguments of reason. Better wait for the recession of emotions. After that, we can talk about the true cause of the conflict. It often happens that a person is annoyed by one thing, but he is talking about something else. Sometimes an insignificant occasion gives such a hurricane of emotions, which literally blows everything around. Why is this happening? Yes, because the true cause of the conflict remained in the shadows. People conflict only when they are affected emotionally important for them. It can be self-esteem, money, unjustified expectations, jealousy, the feeling that they were betrayed, offended, insulted. All sensations are subjective enough. Sometimes people prefer not to name the true cause of the conflict. But it is her identification that leads to a quick settlement of the relationship. True, sometimes a person can not understand what is behind his unexpectedly strong outburst of anger. Unpleasant is forced out, not realized.
To summarize, it should be noted that any conflict is just an episode, a small part of our life. And do not exaggerate its value.
Characteristics of conflict outcomes
The outcomes of the conflict (the forms of its resolution) are very diverse. The conflict can be resolved in two ways: through the removal of the incident and through the resolution of the conflict situation.
The removal of an incident is an attempt to somehow mute the conflict. It can either be transferred to the stage of awareness (without conflict actions) or to the stage of an unconscious conflict situation. This can be done in several ways.
1. Ensure the winning of one of the parties. In this case, the conflict is completely solved, of course, if the losing side takes its defeat, which in practice is extremely rare. The victory of one side is always a temporary state that persists until the next serious incident.
2. The removal of conflict with the help of lies. This can translate the conflict into an unconscious form and thus gives the parties a respite in resolving their problems.
More cardinal possibilities for conflict resolution suggest ways to resolve the conflict situation itself. This can be achieved with:
1. Full physical or functional breeding of its participants. Thus, the ground for conflict disappears. However, the conflict between former opponents can continue for a very long time due to the fact that they have not been resolved. In addition, such a path is rarely realized in real practice.
2. Internal re-structuring of the image of the situation. The meaning of this method consists in changing the internal system of values and interests of the participants in the interaction. This can ensure that the object of the conflict becomes less important to them, or the relationship with the opponent becomes more important. This is quite a difficult job and requires assistance from a psychologist, but it is this path that can lead to constructive resolution of marital or family conflicts.
3. Conflict resolution through confrontation to cooperation. In its content it is close to the previous one, it concerns, as a rule, business conflicts. It does not affect the deep relationships of people, but refers to their social or material interests. Such conflicts are resolved by finding common interests and goals, by narrowing the zone of disagreements to a minimum and concluding cooperation agreements. A major role in the resolution of such conflicts is played by the participation of an intermediary - a person who has special negotiation and dispute resolution skills.
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