6.3. Constructive discussion
Discussion is a form of communication, a purposeful, logical, oral exchange of facts and opinions of people who take part in the discussion. The main objectives of the discussion, in fact, are, on the one hand, the acquisition of knowledge, and on the other - the solution of the problem.
The discussion is an act of direct communication in the formal and business sphere, carried out with the help of verbal and non-verbal means.
The constructive discussion is distinguished by the characteristic features: a differentiated approach to the subject of discussion, taking into account the communicative goal and the characteristics of the partners in the interests of an accessible and convincing presentation of the positions of the parties; quick response to the statements of partners; critical assessment of the views and suggestions of partners; analytical approach to the accounting and assessment of subjective and objective factors; a sense of one's own worth and an increase in the competence of partners as a result of a critical analysis of other points of view on this issue; a sense of ownership and responsibility in solving problems.
There are following recommendations for constructive discussion:
1) it is necessary to prepare a plan of speech in advance, to work out the most important formulations;
2) it is necessary to apply the principle of periodic impact on the interlocutor during the discussion: unfavorable moments and facts alternate with favorable, at the beginning and at the end to talk about positive facts;
3) the presence of outsiders, disinterested persons should be avoided;
4) in any situation, you need to be polite, display an irreproachable taste;
5) it is necessary to facilitate the interlocutor a positive answer;
6) Questions should be avoided that the interlocutor can answer "no";
7) it is necessary to explain in detail your position, if the interlocutor does not agree with it;
8) should not be distracted from the subject of discussion and avoid passing deviations, expressed in a convincing and optimistic manner.
To overcome the contradictions that arise, the orientation of the relations in the conflict situation to the mutual trust of the parties to the conflict helps.
Trust is one of the fundamental, most important mental states of a person. It occurs in twist of communication between people, i.e., is not innate. Trust is often understood as a mental state, by virtue of which a person relies on some opinion that seems authoritative to him, and therefore refuses to explore the matter himself.
So, trust differs from both faith and confidence. Faith exceeds the strength of external factual and formological evidence. Trust is also concerned with issues within the competence of human cognition.
Trust should be considered as a mental state (feeling), which, like any mental state, is transient. To win, to inspire confidence is difficult, and you can lose it overnight, instantly.
The problem of the psychology of trust is a problem that relates to all forms of life, activity, behavior and human consciousness.
6.4. The problem of communication in conflict situations
Significant losses and distortions of information, always existing in the process of interaction, is one of the typical causes of conflicts between people. The importance of considering distortion of information is due to the fact that it is more easily eliminated than other factors that cause conflict.
The potential cause of conflicts is loss and distortion of information, not only when communicating opponents, but also when people perceive the world around them.
Information refers to the information that is transmitted from their source to the receiver and is somehow fixed by the last.
A person sufficiently selectively perceives a variety of information about the environment. The role of a powerful filter that filters out insignificant information and details subjectively important information is played by values, motives and goals.
They, in turn, depend on a person's worldview, his education, professionalism, morality, culture, life experience.
Developed communication skills is an important professional quality of a specialist in social work in resolving conflict situations.
Communicative is the ability of people to establish business contacts, relationships, relationships.
Persuasion is the process by which the views and behavior of a person without coercion are subjected to the verbal (verbal) influence of other people. Persuasion is an essential element of almost any interaction. This applies to family-household, business and other relationships.
Persuasion is an impact on the interlocutor in order to change his attitude to anything. It is important that this change in attitude changes the actions of a person. To significantly increase the effectiveness of persuasive impact in conflict situations the following recommendations will help.
Form a positive attitude to the interlocutor. Let's recall the situation when it was practically impossible to convince the interlocutor (parent, friend, boss or subordinate) in something. The effectiveness of persuasion is determined not so much by the logic and power of the arguments, as by the positive attitude towards the interlocutor.
Connect all your personal charm. If you have the charm, you are told "yes", even when you have not asked anything yet. You need to be able to behave in such a way that the interlocutor simply could not tell you "no."
Charisma is an ability, like other psychic properties developed during life, which is formed in the process of human socialization, that is, charisma as a personal quality can develop.
Charming people are peculiar:
a) eccentricity. It usually manifests itself in appearance, behavioral activity and specific emotional reactions, charming people are open and benevolent;
b) wit. The manifestation of a sense of humor, original and quite appropriate replicas, comparisons, analogies, jokes can cause emotionally sensual emancipation in others, remove accumulated emotional tension and create a special trust situation;c) expressiveness. Charming people know how to skillfully inspire others and do it easily, at ease, expressively. They have a lot of bright, living emotions, which, in fact, inspire others;
d) mindfulness. Without sincere attention to others it is impossible to be really charming person;
e) highly developed communicative culture. It manifests itself in such communicative abilities as the ability to listen and hear the interlocutor; watch and see his mood; the ability to criticize a partner; professionally ask questions; ability to effectively answer questions, etc.
3. Wanting to convince your interlocutor, prepare for this in advance. If this recommendation is followed, you can get quite a tangible psychological advantage. Here are some of them: it will be possible to predict the dialogue with the partner mentally, to simulate it, to anticipate possible objections of the opponent and, of course, to prepare the answers in advance; a sense of self-confidence will be formed and what will be said; it will be possible to build a clear logic of reasoning, to construct a convincing system of reasoning; avoid possible getting into time trouble; an impression of you as an internally organized person who knows how to value his own and other people's time will be formed.
4. Convincing your partner, strive to be as sincere and truthful as possible. Let me emphasize again: we should not seem sincere, but be sincere and truthful.
5. Building a system of reasoning, rely on known, proven facts. As practice shows, convince most of all not the arguments of a general nature, but the specifics - what really exists and what can be checked if necessary.
6. Be friendly and optimistic. This will help create an environment of confidence that is so necessary for persuasion. And this, in turn, causing positive emotions, will contribute to the creation of a positive psychological attitude leading to mutual understanding.
7. Do not forget about the reception role edge effect in increasing the credibility. The essence of this method is to bring the necessary information, strong arguments at the beginning and end of the dialogue. It has been experimentally established that it is then that information is perceived and remembered best.
8. Involve the interlocutor in the discussion of specific problems. With the help of timely questions asked ( And what do you think about this? & Quot ;, How would you comment on this provision? and others), you can significantly increase the credibility of your arguments. The researchers noticed an amazing effect: the respondent involuntarily begins to become the position of the questioner.
9. Try to consult, not advise. This greatly contributes to the creation of a climate of confidence and location, convergence of points of view.
The success of persuasion in communication depends on the ability to effectively master logic, psychology and speech. At the same time, it is necessary to find a form of expression that would make it possible to make the speech convincing precisely for the one whom you convince. It is known that Socrates delivered a beautiful speech in his defense, but he did not convince the Athenian sailors and traders of his innocence, and they sentenced him to death.
The concept of speech tactics was introduced by Van Dyke, who developed them in the study of ethnic minority dialogues. Speech tactics means a special move in the construction of speech in the expression of various emotional states and the attainment of the goal.
For example, prejudice can be expressed in almost thirty different moves, including: "suggestion", "softening", "exaggeration", "shifting", "blaming the other", "repetition" ;, casting example and others
Generalization & quot ;, according to Van Dyck, is used to show that the negative information given is not accidental or exclusive, thus reinforcing the possible opinion of the interlocutor. Typical expressions of this move: "And so always"; With this you come across at every step & quot ;; "This is repeated endlessly
Bringing the example - a move showing that the general opinion is based on concrete facts (experience). Typical expressions: Here is an example ... & quot ;; For example, last week ... & quot ;; Take our neighbor. It's ...
Gain is aimed at achieving better or more effective control over the attention of the listener ("attracting attention"), improving the structural organization of negative information, emphasizing subjective macroinformation. Typical expressions: "It's terrible that ...", "It's a shame that ...".
Assignment makes it possible for a conditional generalization, even in the case of contradictory examples, or allows to demonstrate real or imagined tolerance and sympathy, i.e., components of the strategy of positive self-presentation.
Typical expressions: "Among them are good people" ;; Do not generalize, but ... & quot ;; "Europeans can do this too ... (the last expression is also the move "compare").
Shift - the course of the strategy of positive self-presentation. A typical example: "I, in general, do not care, but other neighbors from our street are outraged."
Contrast - A move that has several functions. First, rhetorical - attracting attention to participants in relationships (structuring information). Secondly, the semantic - the emphasis of positive and negative assessments of people, their actions or properties (often by contrasting "we - they") in all situations where there is a conflict of interest.
A typical example: "We had to work for many years, and they receive benefits and do nothing"; "We had to wait for many years to wait for a new apartment, and they will receive an apartment as soon as they arrive."
Thus, the main way to influence the conflicting is persuasion. The arbiter's duty is to convince the opposing sides that the conflict harms all its participants and the collective as a whole. After that, it is necessary to reveal the true object of the conflict and to indicate the way of its resolution on a principled basis. At the same time, individual work is carried out with both opposing persons or groups. In extreme cases, there is a situation of general outrage over the behavior of one or both of the conflicting parties.
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