Looking for a secret
Try to find hidden features in yourself. Imagine that a mad scientist created a robot that is your exact copy. Your double is identical to you in all details. But since it is an instrument of evil, you would not want people to take it for you.
What is in you that you can not duplicate? How can people who know you well can detect a substitution? If there is someone who knows your secret, can he use this to identify you?
You have discovered all the secrets, but the robot has managed to reproduce everything exactly. What is the most important secret you will reveal last, to make sure that you are you, not your copy?
The roaring, the lion, the growl; knock, train, knock
This game is suitable for a group of children suffering from stiffness and passivity. You say: "We are all lions, a great lion family. Let's arrange a competition, who growls louder. As soon as I say: "Leap, lion, growl!", Let the loudest growl come out. " During the game, you encourage the children: "And who can growl even louder? Well, growl, lions ... And this is a lion's roar ?! This is the squeak of a kitten. We need a loud roar!
After that, everyone lined up on the back of each other, hands on the shoulders of the person in front. You are the "locomotive". Begin slowly to move around the perimeter of the room with panting and whistling. Going around the room once, get up at the end of the train & quot ;, and place the locomotive the child behind you will take over. It should move a little faster and the sounds produce louder. Continue the game until everyone is in the role of a locomotive. At the end of the game, a "wreck" can occur: everyone is lying on the floor.
Each participant is invited in turn to recall a fun game and organize a group in the group. These can be hide-and-seek, blind man's buff, sarcas or some other more exotic game. Participants of the group expose the inventor on his sheet of his assessments on a five-point system. Weight members in turn recall a fun game, play it and start the entire group. After everyone has played enough, the inventors summarize all the evaluations made by the group members on their sheet. The total score is determined. Then you can compare the results and determine the most outstanding massovik-entertainer.
* * *
Anatoly Borisovich Dobrovich, the author of books on psychology and psychotherapy, offers shy, shy people their methods of overcoming their problems. He asks several specific questions about the characteristics of interaction with people and recommends exercises that help develop this ability.
How often does a passer-by address you with a question, how to pass, drive, etc.? If this happens very rarely, then you have a gloomy, evil, haughty or closed expression. You are shielded from people. It's up to you. But keep in mind that in return they will involuntarily shut themselves off from you and feel no desire to help you.
In the morning, a little longer, take a look at your reflection in the mirror. Show yourself a language: this will amuse you, and you will smile. Stop! It is this, not the "official" The person should be at you during the day. Promise yourself this before you go out on people.
Do you notice people's faces on the bus, subway, train. If not, then you are too absorbed in yourself. This is not good not only for ethical reasons, but also for everyday ones: you will not be able, when necessary, to realistically assess the feelings and intentions of the interlocutor. His speculation, preconceptions can easily be taken as reality.
When you are in transport, take a look at someone not far away. Do it delicately, half-eyed: a person is annoyed when he is studied at close range. If he caught your eye, immediately turn away! Now, without looking, reproduce this face in memory. Imagine that you are cheerful, good-natured, for example, during a friendly party. Imagine the opposite: what does this man look like in anger, in annoyance ... If your companion is still touched and defiantly looks at you, give him a friendly smile and turn away again. You no longer have the right to look in his direction - unless, if you decided to make an acquaintance.
Can you listen to what others say! The question may seem strange: since I'm talking to someone, then I hear it. But can you listen, thinking about it, and not about yourself? If not, then in your life there are frequent petty quarrels - misunderstandings, which you are ashamed to remember later ...
In a friendly company where you usually say everything that comes to your mind, change somehow your habit of interrupting and silently listen to the other. Listening, think: "Why does he say that?" Cheerful or pretends? Sad or entertained? And if something poses as something - why? " Imagine that he is you; Imagine what you look like now with his eyes. By all means adjust in such a way as not to mentally condemn a person and not feel superior to him - just try to understand his state of mind.
By the way, if you practice this, soon many friends will begin to cling to you, more and more happy to meet you.
Are you able to emotionally warm up the interlocutor! That is, to behave in such a way that he would remain in your presence trustingly, at ease, heartily? If you do not know how, then, apparently, your relationship - even with friends - is formal. In them there is (for all goodwill) some kind of stiffness. And when one of you is ill, he does not seek a meeting with a friend.
Look at how people work, and do not miss an opportunity to express your approval to them. For example, you see how the saleswoman quickly cuts the cheese with precise movements. Tell her in a low voice something like this: "It's clever of you!" You are shy, but overcome yourself and yet tell me. You can understand what embarrasses you. Unfortunately, with the accelerated rhythm of our urban life, with this kaleidoscopic change of faces in the crowd, we do not feel comfortable talking to each other, and everyone is inclined to hear more harshness. Therefore, a kind word can even alert the saleswoman. It is not excluded that she will think: "What does he want from me?" Let it not bother you: you know something, that you do not need anything ...
Of course, such an exercise does not teach you the subtle art of emotional support. But it will tear the path in this direction. You will get rid of the unnecessary skill of hiding, restraining a positive attitude towards a person.
Can you answer "no" without offending? If you do not know how, then you easily fall into dependence on others; against their desire to go on the occasion, just afraid of offending a good-looking person.
Develop the ability to fool around in conversation. For example, you are asked: "Do we go to the movies?" - and you, after having assumed a comically important appearance, answer: "This must be carefully considered". They say to you: "Return my book", and you with a sorrowful mischief say: "It's terrible! Her mites were eaten ... And in the movie you are willing to meet, and the book and did not think to appropriate. You are only clowning. The interlocutor, probably, will start to boil, then cease to enrage him and answer seriously.
This little actor will come in handy to you: you will learn how to master the situation. Thereby you win a short pause before answering. During the delay, the interlocutor checks himself, whether he really wants from you what he asks; At you for this time the best formulation of the answer develops in a head. And if it is to be refused, then it will sound friendly and calm. Your refusal will not be an instantaneous reaction, involuntarily invested with irritation and dislike, but with a measured decision. After all, most people are hurt most not so much by refusal (it is distressing, but leaves hope), how many accompanying unfair, undeserved hostility (there is no hope left). Most of the interlocutors will understand that you have reasons for refusal, and out of pride they will not ask unnecessary questions. By the way, these superfluous questions need to have a ready polite answer: "Believe me, this is not my whim. I would be glad, but I can not ...
Exercise 6If you find it hard to ask for something unpleasant to you! If it is difficult, then you are too vulnerable, too afraid of refusal, fear that the request will sound humiliated. But the more you fear it, the more humiliated it will sound ...
Perhaps you are ready to see a personal insult where there is none. Perhaps you have accumulated failures, and someone's refusal in the request simply overflows the cup of your patience. Nevertheless, it's still a "drop", and it's ridiculous to see the enemy in the one for whom you are not a special, unique personality, but one of thousands of petitioners, clients, a passer-by, one of dozens of acquaintances. Your abuser is not so interested in you to insult the painfully! ..
This exercise is perhaps the hardest of all. Force yourself to remain silent when you are touched in a shallow conflict, for example, in a tram-brawl. No matter how loose the language of the brawler, endure. Turn away and look at the landscape in the window. In a minute, it will be clear to all witnesses of this scene whose conduct is more worthy. Your offender will be reasoned without you (if he does not calm down). You will leave the tram with a sense of victory over yourself.
Of course, this is only an exercise, and not a style of behavior in conflict recommended for all cases of life. You are not called to become a "sheep". You are just practicing self-control and self-respect (which is more in silence than in battle). This skill is very useful to you when the conflict turns out to be principled, not petty. Well, and with a developed sense of self-worth, with a known "tempering" to rudeness you will become much easier to handle requests to unpleasant people.
Do not you have a habit of stamping in the hall for a long time, having already said goodbye to the hosts, or to continue the telephone conversation, although everything has already been said! If there are, then some people, whose opinion you care about, consider you intrusive.
Talking to someone on a topic that is not too important for both of you (please check whether this is so?), learn by looking at the clock, kindly say: "Oh, sorry, I'm in a hurry, we'll finish this another time" ; - And with these words immediately retire. If you have the impression that the interviewee is offended, smooth off the grievance afterwards: find out, call, once again apologize. But you will teach yourself not to "stick" to people who have their own worries. It would be nice to still have a friendly and funny farewell gesture or a word, but it requires a certain artistry and is not given to everyone.
It's easy to see: the proposed exercises are aimed at cultivating three qualities - self-control, self-esteem and benevolent understanding of others. Some believe that having become visitors to museums or theaters, they automatically acquire a culture of communication. But often a modest old woman from the village is more cultured in this sense than an elegant city dweller with knowledge of three languages ...
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