This essay is a reflective analysis of the abilities of counselling applied to damage and grief in a student's procedure for learning how to visit the voyage of the restorative relationship with the client. The essay will contain reflections of verbatim examples from during the practice session where Steven Felice is your client, and Caroline Roberts the counsellor. The article will also discuss via relevant books the procedure of person-centred counselling in the focus of reduction through bonds of connection and continuing bonds.
The practice period occurred in counselling room two, at ACAP on the 21st of Apr 2010, between Steven Felice and Caroline Roberts. Steven wanted to discuss the increased loss of a friendship. This friendship for Steven was a companionship that had begun in early youth and taken a deep connection of attachment, that Steven is locating the loss hard to accept. During the treatment I spent a lot of the time listening to Steven and reflecting as best I possibly could the content and feeling of his experience. When working with loss in relation to friendships it's important to own consumer the same admiration to emotional depth of manifestation as that of a person experiencing loss from a death.
For Steven the loss of relevance surrounded his child years friend no more desperate to be as close as standard due to her recent change of religious affiliation. For Steven this seems difficult to simply accept, as he was inclined to try to understand and acknowledge her needs and she seems to have turned down him. He also appears to feel loss around his self-confidence with how he relates and interacts with people, which is apparently trust related issues. Almost a loss of innocence has been triggered by the increased loss of this important connection bond. Reduction is such an huge part of living and loving that it might be difficult to counsel without an understanding of the idea of connection.
Mallon (2008) advises understanding attachment in grief and loss counselling is vital because of the basis that human associations are located in connection, from the first attachment to ones mother, increasing through life's connections to add those called friends and lovers. Neimeyer, Baldwin, & Gillies (2006) discuss how with the loss of someone you care about, people tend to keep the connection alive and well within their memories, reviews, dreams, images, and even music or ornaments. Whenever a cherished one is no more in presence, then the attachment and romantic relationship changes but it does not vanish, the relationship is only rewritten or shifted to some other reality or conception. As is the case with Steven's romance, at 16:04 Steven says, he fights in his own head. . . when asked about the whether he's still maintaining the partnership, which would seem to point quite obviously that he is continuing the connection and romantic relationship even though she is unaware of this.
During the time I thought I founded rapport, and was present with Steven, as well as using lively listening, reflection, and questions, although I could have phrased these more appropriately, I also used silence to allow Steven his thoughts. I have no idea that I was able to apply a organised assessment during the session, as in seeking to purposely work on coping skills, support systems, and religious or cultural dimensions. However I feel that we talked about these issues throughout the period as reflection, active hearing and questioning allowed these issues to come into play, specially when silence was used, allowing Steven to process and actualise his sense of spiritual connection and personal experiences and goals.
I wish to think about my skills as an awaking, a process of realisation about how precisely one is suitable in being wondering, respectful, congruent, empathic, and present simultaneously, without getting back in one's own way.
Rogers (1942-2008) suggests that the counselling romantic relationship provides a safe respectful environment where the client feels comfortable and accepted enough expressing their feelings realizing that the counsellor will not evaluate them, but will hear and support them. Being a grief, damage and bereavement counsellor Personally i think it might be very beneficial to hone my skills around person-centred counselling, with particular give attention to attachment theory and carrying on bonds. Person-centred counselling is such a great grounding for doing no harm, as it is based in Rogers's primary conditions. Tolan (2003) represents the primary conditions as needing the counsellor to be psychologically and emotionally present and remove themselves' from the clients story by simply listening without common sense or bias, with esteem, congruence, and empathy, no forgetting unconditional positive respect. Bryant-Jefferies (2006) points out presence as a line of communication whereby both customer and counsellor are empathically aware of each other. Using the felt presence, the most important factor would be whether or not the client feels they may be being understood, which can be confirmed with appropriate reflection.
During the procedure I sensed that Steven and I were in a place of empathic contact, founded through good rapport, and staying as present as you possibly can. I feel I can improve my sense of presence as time allows skills to become second characteristics, as right now I often enter my very own way by worrying about whether or not I am demonstrating all the required skills. For example my art of reflection still needs to develop as shown with these illustrations; C: 06:27; so you're absent the previous design of relationship and relationship that you had from. S: yeah, yeah I want that. . . . . . A few of my terms could oftimes be improved by stating; I sense you are lacking the closeness of your relationship. Also I have to keep an eye on using words like so, as it could carry a sense of judgement if the tone is not simply right.
Another example; C: 09:47; and that means you just said that, if I go back to you saying, that you are thinking about about the relevance of keeping someone, now you're sort of discussing the boundaries and stuff, is the fact related. S: ah, by keeping someone and having restrictions as such, I feel enjoy it, like as i meet a fresh person now. . . . . Again I commence with so, I think I actually commence nearly every representation with so. Be aware to self do not say so. The reflection would be better if I phrased it; I notice you questioning your feelings towards getting near to another impacts you, which appears to be bring up the need for boundaries, could you tell me more about this.
Around 08:45: I ask; so was she a romantic friend or. . . I made Steven uneasy as you can see by his body gestures, where instead I could have asked; could you inform me more about that, or what have that childhood friendship suggest for you. The art work of the question is another skill I have to practice, especially with careful wide open questions rather than closed down blunt or, the too intrusive kind of questions. Nelson-Jones (2009) suggests that even though some background information can help the counsellor understand the client's record, open questions permit the client to express their history how they would like to, instead of the counsellor interacting with their agenda. Respect is the underlying need in all questions with open questions such as, what does that mean for you, being a respectfully gentle asking for the clients interpretation, and also another way to screen counsellor curiosity with respect to the client.
I could really notice that Steven attaches to people very deeply and quickly or easily, and I wanted to explore that with him, but alas my skills in how for doing that need practise. Connection is such a profound sitting need and reflex that helps one find and express love that Personally i think its importance can't be overlooked. Russell-Chapin and Smith (2008) speak about the undeniable actuality that love and loss are area of the whole connection with human connection,
with the point being that a lot more attached the partnership the more losing may be noticed and experienced. In addition they discuss how beneficial it could be to tell stories, and share our losses, as a means of continuing the life span of one's cherished one, for which the word 'anamnesis' can be used to describe the knowledge of remembering and representing our recollections and experiences of shared coping with our lost loved one in today's moment in time. Here I relate to carrying on bonds as there is sometimes no escaping the thoughts that float through ones awareness and replay incidents, discussions, images, and special occasions. Attig (2000) summed up the knowledge as the carrying on of one's reference to those one adored when he mentioned; "the richness of lasting love consoles us" (p283). Such words truly point out how much sense it creates to keep on loving, keep keeping in mind, keep dreaming, and keep posting the memories of these we love, whose physical presence is no more tangible. Continuing bonds with ones loved ones also brings up how much attachment plays in associations, for if no connection is thought, no meaningful relationship exists, and for that reason you don't need to miss or remember.
Around 14:10; Steven begins revealing to me how his friend is involved with certain religious practices. At 14:22; I mirror C: So you're worried about her. Steven continues his history and I feel it is important to listen and use silence here when i sense he might need to hear his thoughts process this. Geldard & Geldard (2008) point out how new counsellors often find silence difficult because they're worried about showing to demonstrate the skills required. However once the silence has turned into a comfortable reflex the counsellor makes it possible for the client the precious occasions of reflection often had a need to mentally sit down in a thought and own the sensation. Palmer & Milner (2003) claim that silence can be considered a very supportive space for your client to contemplate their thoughts when used correctly and respectfully in an appropriate measure.
Silence is a skill that requires self applied acceptance and a certain way of measuring self-assured comfort to have the ability to sit with the client when they might need an instant to contemplate. Steven, given a moment to silently think then commences to think about his own spirituality regarding the the reactions he is experiencing. Walsh (2004) suggests that in some instances a person may be grieving their religious connection to self, brought into recognition by an experience of loss. As does being the increased loss of physical, mental, or relational, links, this could subsequently affect one's capacity to find some resolution within one's life. This is not unusual considering spirituality is one of the ideas that give life so this means in fatality as it can in life. Walsh (2004b) goes on to make clear that people's spiritual beliefs cross decades and evolve and develop, as family ethnicities progress and develop, embedding and changing values and values that surround not only life and love but also loss of life.
When I look at the experience of loss Steven has shared with me, and consider how I possibly could have explored this more to handle his coping style, support system, religious or religious values, as well as his social influences, I am not sure at my degree of competency in twenty minutes how to achieve all of that whilst respectfully hearing his tale and allowing the client to lead and own the session. Johns (2005) cites Rogers's who claims "The degree to that i can create connections which aid the expansion of others as independent individuals is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself (p5). " This affirmation is a very powerful fact to that i feel as a counsellor is the purpose of self applied development and a very necessary goal to practice and reveal constantly on the abilities. Johns (2005b) explores some of the ways that counsellor skills can be practiced, including personal counselling, doing practice classes, keeping journal of skills development, taking chances when practicing to develop confidence, thereby, learning to relax and own the space of do it yourself within the counselling dynamic.
Personally I've volunteered at my local chapel to get actual practice and develop my self-confidence as well as my skills. I also believe going through the procedure to be a volunteer within the counselling realm will also help me to understand more about myself and where I wish to target my future as a counsellor. So here in lies can certainly make money intend to move forward to becoming a much better counsellor and person.
To conclude this wonderful and challenging do it yourself reflection, I would like to acknowledge that I am growing as a counsellor. I am learning how important the theories and models associated with bereavement are essential to allow a counsellor to be of actual assist with a person anguish. I am affirmed through my research of the theories and models, that love and attachment are essential in life, loss of life, and counselling. Having the ability to workshop my faults and successes is also a essential process in the development of my use and knowledge of not just the abilities but why they are really so important, specifically in the field of counselling in damage.
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