Request, Nahal , Language without Words - Handbook of Practical Psychologist


A lot depends on how to ask a person for a favor; what tone, in what setting, with what mood you will state your request. Meanwhile, there are very few techniques that can significantly increase the likelihood of fulfilling your request. It all depends on the form in which you state your request. The interlocutors always appreciate the tactfulness, diplomacy, as well as originality and resourcefulness. It is difficult to deny a request if it comes from a friend, but you can create a friendly disposition towards yourself and a completely unknown person. If your request starts with a compliment, mentioning the merits of the person to whom you are applying, his authority, etc., your chances are raised, and the very fact of applying to him creates an even greater importance, raises authority and is an honor to all those who are it is addressed. This, of course, will soften the cruel a heart. It is known that when a man applies to a man, one can expect greater success. If the request immediately, even before receiving a response, should be an indirect gratitude, gratitude for the forthcoming service - it's very difficult to refuse.

So, choose your partner, go up to him, sit down beside him and try, maybe starting from afar, ask him for something. For example, ask him for a while glasses, a pen or something more substantial, you can ask for some kind of a favor on his part. Then change the partner. At the end of the game, all participants must approach the leader with their trophies. Of course, they will have to be returned, but the championship will still be retained for those who gained the most trophies.


Well, sometimes it's like this: you are standing in line and suddenly someone in front of you "crawls up!" The situation is very vital, and in fact quite often words are not there to express their indignation and indignation. And not every word can easily discourage the future of such a nag. Nevertheless, how to be? After all, do not put up with the fact that such cases are inevitable! .. Let's try to play this situation. Break up into pairs. Nahal comes to the right, for this the players of each pair, standing to the left, should respond with impromptu, so much so that it does not belong to him. Switch roles: now impudent will go to the left, and the right players of each pair should respond. And now you can arrange a contest for the best answer in this situation. At the end of the game, the leader will determine the most resourceful player.

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To more complex variants of games-trainings it is possible to carry the games directed on development of sociability during business contacts.

Language without words

Lesson 1. Preparatory part

In business communication, the main tea , communication is carried out through non-verbal means - gestures, facial expressions, body movements. Learning to read these non-verbal cues is useful for everyone. It may be necessary to use special literature, but much can be noticed with everyday communication or simulated logically and experimentally. For example, it is known that when a child tells a lie, he unconsciously covers his mouth with his hands. Throughout life a person involuntarily continues to use this gesture, only the speed of the gesture changes, and its form becomes more veiled: sometimes the mouth partially covers with one finger, sometimes the hand touches the nose, to the ear, to the neck ... Let's try to prepare for how to notice a discrepancy between gestures, micro-signals of an organism and words, and for this we will get acquainted with some known observations.

It is noted, in particular, that the open hands of the interlocutor are associated with honesty, but when the deceiver reveals his arms to you and says a lie with a smile, the micro-signals of his body still give out his secret thoughts. Do some experiments at home or with friends. For example, ask a colleague to tell you just two phrases, one of which will be true, and the other a notorious lie. Your task is to find differences in the facial expressions and gestures of your assistant when you pronounce each phrase. The deceit is signaled by the curvature of the facial muscles, the widening or narrowing of the pupils, the sweat on the forehead, the raised eyebrow, the glancing look, the curvature of the corners of the mouth, the blush on the cheeks, rapid blinking, nervous movements and other small gestures that you can intuitively notice.

What should I look for in order to perceive the adequacy or, conversely, the discrepancy between verbal and non-verbal signals? As a rule, a more truthful message can be expected when the interlocutor is not afraid of a close distance with you. A truthful person does not hesitate to show open hands, while a deceiver tries to hide them. The mood of the interlocutor can be understood already from the moment of presentation and handshake. The interlocutor, who feels himself equal, usually holds his hand with a handshake vertically, determined to impose his opinion - palm down, ready to support the initiative - palm up. In this case, the person located to the revelation, will try to take a step towards and reduce the distance with the interlocutor.

A similar unconscious response is characteristic of the listener. His attitude to what he hears will be conveyed first of all by his posture. As a rule, linked fingers in the raised position, when the elbows lie on the table, signal an extremely negative attitude to the interlocutor. Accordingly, linked hands, lying on the table or lowered down, indicate a less negative attitude. The spike-like position of the fingers speaks of the listener's confidence. Confident listeners also put their hands in the lock behind their backs, and too self-confident even put their hands on their hips. The test of superiority over the interlocutor says outward thumbs of the thumbs, when the brushes are hidden in the pockets.

Doubt is often expressed in gestures such as hand protection, touching the nose, rubbing the eyelids, scratching and rubbing the ear, scratching the neck, sipping the collar. If the listener supports his cheek and chin with his palm, and the head is held on his hand, it expresses boredom, lack of interest in the interlocutor. The index finger on the cheek, when the head does not hold on the hand, indicates the interest of the evaluating person. Chin stroking is usually associated with the agony of decision making.

The pose of the listener, when he holds his arms crossed, speaks of an attempt to protect himself from unfavorable information. Crossed arms with fists clenched in their fists speak of hostility. Raised thumbs indicate confidence and self-control. When a person holds himself by the hands in front, it speaks of some embarrassment. Nervousness is masked by the fact that the interlocutor holds a pencil in his hand, touches the purse, bracelet, watch or some object.

The protective barrier with a negative or defensive attitude to the interlocutor is expressed by crossing the legs. A confident person can throw a foot on the leg with the formation of a corner and feel completely at ease. As a rule, the interlocutors are clamped if they stand facing each other with crossed legs and hands folded on the chest. When they turn to each other with open hands, legs apart shoulder width apart, is an open posture for frank conversation.

There are other gestures and movements that express the attitude of the speaker to the interlocutor. For example, the manner of sitting on a chair with widely spaced legs is peculiar to a man who tries to control people and dominate them. Disapproval is sometimes expressed in the collection of non-existent villi on clothes, a negative attitude-in involuntary swings of the head from left to right. Having lowered a little head down and looking from under the eyebrows, a person demonstrates disapproval of the above, and vice versa, the head tilted to the side speaks about the interlocutor's interest. The man who laid his hands behind his head and sitting, throwing his leg behind his leg, demonstrates complete control of the situation.

Readiness for action in a standing person can be expressed in the setting of hands on the hips, and in the sitting man - in the free placement of hands on his knees. A person ready to finish a meeting or a conversation puts his hands on his knees and tilts his body forward, as if wishing to say that he is going to get up, to finish the meeting.

A lot means looking. At a business sight eyes glide between eyes of the interlocutor. The social view covers the eyes, nose, mouth. В3171 poison with an intimate interest drops to the chest. Usually, when the mood is angry, the pupils are reduced.

Copying movements and poses of the interlocutor speaks about the desire to find a community of interests and agreement with the conversation partner.

In human practice, there are many other involuntary movements that express an unconscious reaction to the events taking place. Try as a homework to observe the interlocutor, revenge different poses, so that in the next lesson, try to distinguish a true statement from a false one. Try also to study the special literature.

Lesson 2. The game part

We gathered to hold an unusual meeting - communication without words. Let's divide into three teams. The first team will include those who did not have the opportunity to get acquainted with the special literature on the interpretation of gestures and body movements. They will be test subjects. Each of the representatives of this team must come up with two statements, one of which is true, the other is a lie. For example: "I will have a birthday next week", "I received a very favorable offer for a new job" etc. These statements need to be formulated to oneself.

The second team - a team of experts - will include those who try to determine whether the statements of the first team are true or false. The remaining players will form the third team, which will represent the jury and will try to evaluate the activities of the first and second teams.

The representative of the first team comes out and greets someone from the second team, calling him to a conversation. You can talk standing, but you can settle in the prepared areas. In the conversation, the player reports his first statement, then unfolds and moves to his original position. Then he repeats his exit, greeting with the representative of the second team, and informs him of the second statement. As an interlocutor, he can choose the same expert or any other at his discretion. The jury looks carefully and analyzes the behavior of the interlocutors. This is repeated several times. Players can choose their own requisite props, prepare places for accommodation and create the necessary situation. At the end of the dialogue, the jury reports the result of the activity of the test subjects and experts with a full analysis of the gestures.

You can end the meeting with the concluding remarks of all those present about what happened, and what turned out to be difficult for reading people's thoughts on their gestures, actions, and body movements. Anyone can take part in this.

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