Self-evaluation and result of activity
Each person evaluates not only others, but himself. We either accept and love ourselves or are unhappy with our shortcomings and are upset about our shortcomings. Man's self-assessment (self-evaluation) is an extremely important factor that significantly influences the result of the activity. At first glance, this conclusion seems absurd: unless from the thoughts of himself something will really change in the material world? However, in experiments, people who considered themselves hardworking and successful, coped better with difficult tasks than those who considered themselves a failure. It turned out that people with high self-esteem are more persistent, less anxious and less prone to depression, better learn.
... My own I must be the same object of my love as the other person. The assertion of one's own life, happiness, development, freedom is rooted in my ability to love, i.e. in care, respect, responsibility and knowledge. If a person is able to love creatively, he also loves himself: if he loves only others, he can not love at all ...
One of the most striking figures in the history of world psychology is Sir Francis Galton (1822-1911). The cousin of Charles Darwin was a brilliant scientist. He holds important discoveries in the field of geography, meteorology, criminalistics. In psychology, he is known as the creator of the so-called twin method of studying heredity, as well as the first tests. Once Sir Francis decided on a kind of experiment. Before going on a daily walk through the streets of London, he inspired himself: "I'm a disgusting person, whom everyone in England hates everything!" After he concentrated for several minutes on this belief, which was tantamount to self-hypnosis, he went, as usual, for a walk. However, it only seemed that everything went as usual. In fact, the following happened. At every step, Francis caught on himself the contemptuous and squeamish glances of passers-by. Many turned away from him, and several times in his address sounded a rough swearing. In the port, one of the stevedores, when Galton passed him, so sowed the scientist with his elbow, that he flopped into the mud. It seemed that the hostile attitude was transmitted even to animals. When he passed by a harnessed stallion, he kicked the scientist in the thigh so that he fell back to the ground.
Galton tried to evoke sympathy from eyewitnesses, but, to his amazement, he heard that people began to protect the animal. Galton hurried home, without waiting for his thought experiment to lead to more serious consequences.
From this reliable story, two important conclusions can be drawn:
1. A person is what he thinks about himself.
2. There is no need to inform others about their self-esteem and mental state. They will feel it already. In practice this means the following. If something does not suit us in our behavior, in relation to other people, we should try to change it. But any change in behavior must be preceded by a change in self-esteem. Good mood and high self-esteem contribute to success in business and harmony in human relationships.
There is a fairly common belief that many of us have low self-esteem. Carl Rogers came to the conclusion that most of the people he knew "despise themselves, believing that they are not capable of anything and can not be loved". Many psychologists agree with this. "We all have inferiority complexes," says John Powell, "those who do not seem to have such a complex, only pretend to be."
However, today the situation has changed dramatically. Most of us have a good reputation with ourselves. Self-assessment studies have shown that even the responses of people with low achievement rates do not go beyond the average. (In responses to such statements as "I have good ideas", a person with low self-esteem uses words of the type "to some extent" or "sometimes".)Time after time, experimenters find that people readily agree with praise when they are told that they have succeeded in something (they attribute success to their abilities and efforts), but attribute failure to the influence of external factors, such as bad luck or the original irresolvability of the problem. Similarly, athletes, explaining their victories, usually praise themselves, but refer the loss to something else: a bad day, indecisive remarks of the judge, the super strength of another team or an unfair game.
Fig. 1. I am writing a list of all my strengths and weaknesses, and while it turns out that the merits are greater
So, contrary to the assumption that most people suffer from low self-esteem or feelings of inferiority, researchers are constantly confronted with the fact that for many, overestimation of self-esteem is peculiar. High self-esteem is the key to success in life, but it is important that it be realistic, adequate to the real state of things. People with high inadequate self-esteem create problems not only for themselves, but for others, causing irritation, resentment, the desire to "put the candy in place". At all times, high inadequate self-esteem (self-esteem) has been subjected to fair and harsh criticism in society.
Here a man imagines that he is intelligent and judicious, that he understands that he knows it's and one more thing that he can then and much more. Finally, he all can. And already from this one he yells, tears everyone, pushes him into a corner, stigmatizes him. He acts self-assuredly and brazenly and plunges the whole world into astonishment; it could, perhaps, be arranged only by a worldwide earthquake. What he just does not know & quot ;! For him there are no difficulties and secrets: everything is flat and primitive. With God - long over. Fatherland is a prejudice. Nationalism is prejudice. Private property - theft and abuse. Man is a lustful creature. Science is a fraud. And in general - the world should bend and not peep. It is clear that everyone can not be equally educated and equally modest. Many know little. But one knows little and does not suspect it; he is naive. The other knows as little as the first, but imagines that he knows a lot and exactly; then he is betrayed by arrogance. Naive still did not even think about himself; his own mental ability and power, their limits have not yet become a problem for him. Arrogant, on the contrary, raised himself to the shield. He immensely overestimated his capabilities. He incorrectly outlined his limits. A megalomania is sharpening its interior like a worm. Each of us needs a healthy trust in ourselves ("what I can, I can definitely"); no one has a bad arrogance ("I am more than I am"). Arrogance arises from illusion; but you can not build anything true on illusion; But what is built on it is rotten and fragile. So, arrogance seems to have been created in order to punish yourself. Its danger carries within itself; his grave consequences slumber in his bosom. His weakness of judgment, his arrogance, his stupid-bold work with his elbows lead him to ruin. The clever often questions his mind; he constantly feels his own limits; and when he finds them, he tries to expand organically, and not to step over them mechanically; he exercises in ascetic judgments. Stupid - on the contrary: it does not even occur to him that he can be stupid; his smallness he considers the true size and completeness, and the punishment follows him on the heels ...
And. Ilyin (1938)
In experiments and everyday life, we, trying to maintain high self-esteem, often fail the situation and attribute luck to ourselves. We often evaluate ourselves above the average for subjective desired features and abilities. Believing in ourselves, we sometimes display unrealistic optimism about our future. We can overestimate the correctness of our opinions and underestimate our shortcomings. This perception partly arises from the motive to support and increase self-esteem - incentives that save people from depression, but can lead away from reality and provoke disadaptation, promote group conflict.
Despite all the contradictory data on the self-assessment of modern offenders, as A.A. Krylov, almost universally recognized is the fact of the connection of self-esteem with the asocial and delinquent behavior of a teenager. Disputes are basically reduced to finding out what kind of self-appraisal of offenders - overestimated or underestimated. The most common position based on empirical research is the opinion about the overestimated self-esteem of teenage delinquents, and adult offenders. It is noted in this connection that an inadequate, overstated self-esteem creates a sufficiently wide range of conflict situations and, under certain conditions, contributes to the manifestation of delinquent behavior.
Sometimes, in order to maintain high self-esteem, people use sophisticated methods of protection. To protect their positive self-image, people do not simply attribute failures to the influence of external factors, but create their own obstacles. Is it possible to understand why people allow themselves to have fun midnight at a party before an important meeting or play on the computer instead of studying before a difficult exam?
Obstacles protect our self-esteem and public image, allowing us to attribute failures to something temporary or external ("I felt bad"; "I was too late in the night"), and not a lack of talent or ability.>
An interesting experiment was conducted. It was said that the study is devoted to the connection of "drugs and intelligence". Imagine yourself in the place of the test subjects. You answer some difficult, thought-provoking questions, and then you are told: "You have the best records that have ever been known!" You are extremely happy. After that, you are offered to choose one of two medicines before you answer the same questions. One drug promotes intellectual activity, the other inhibits it. Which drug do you prefer? Most students chose a drug that was supposed to obstruct thinking and thus provide the opportunity to conveniently justify the likely worst results.
In order to maintain high self-esteem and the ability to justify themselves in case of failure, people often create their own obstacles, here is the list of those that are used most often:
1) shorten the preparation time (for competitions, exams, speeches, important meetings, etc.);
2) do not make efforts that could be done to accomplish the task;
3) give an advantage to your opponent;
4) complain of depression;
5) poorly perform the task at the very beginning, so as not to create illusory hopes.
9) After losing to younger rivals tennis player Martin Navratilova admitted that she "was afraid to play at full strength ... I was afraid to admit to myself: but suddenly they can defeat me when I play at full strength; because if they can, then I will end. "
Self-esteem is not given to a person in the finished form. It is formed during life. An important period in the formation of self-esteem is childhood. The influence of this period on the life of a person is enormous. In early childhood, the child does not have his own criteria for self-evaluation. It begins to form under the influence of the parent family. Children do not distinguish their actions from themselves and perceive the approval of their actions by their parents as the approval of themselves. K. Rogers wrote that first the choice of actions is determined by the child's own feelings, afterwards the child "betrays the wisdom of his organism", subordinates his behavior to the system of assessments of others, receiving for this their love, but acting in some cases against their interests. In this regard, the importance of the parental impact on the child is obvious. It is important how the parents of the child evaluate what settings are given, how often they praise and how they do it.
Analyze the parent settings and remember how often you can hear from the parents of the installation for negative self-esteem.
Having said this ...
Strong people do not cry. Think only of yourself, do not feel sorry for anyone.
You are always like your (I) dad (mom).
You are my fool!
I'd rather you at all
There was no light!
So you're going to fuck around life,
As your dad (mom).
You will not obey -
Apple is not far from the apple tree. How much strength we gave you, and you ...
It's not your business.
God will punish you!
Do not eat much, you will be fat,
No one will love you.
Do not believe anyone, you will be deceived.
If you do this, with
no one will be friends with you.
You always do it worse
You will always be dirty. You're bad!
You will be a beech - you will be alone!
All good things always end,
You can not always eat sweets.
Everything in this life depends on you.
Make it right.
Cry - it will be easier. How much you give - so much and you will receive.
What a clever mother! What a dad we have! They are the best!
Everything is fine in you. What happiness, that you have!
Everyone chooses his own
You'll always be healthy!
What you sow, then reap.
We love, we understand,
Hope for you.
Your opinion is interesting to everyone.
God loves you!
Eat on your health.
Choose your friends yourself.
How do you treat people, so
and they will treat you.
Everyone can be wrong!
What you clean is always and
Cleanliness is the guarantee of health! I love you any!
Love yourself, and others will love you.
This list can be continued by parents themselves. It is important that they understand what facilities interfere with living, and do not give them to their children, if they do not want to form a low self-esteem. It is important for parents to remind their children every day:
- You are the most beloved!
- You can do a lot!
- Thank you! What would we do without you?!
- Come to me! I'm uncomfortable without you.
- Sit down with us!
- I will help you.
- I'm happy with your success!
- Whatever happens, your house is your fortress.
- Tell me what's the matter with you.
Feelings of guilt and shame in no way help a child become self-confident, achieve success in life, be healthy and happy. Do not turn life into despondency, sometimes a child does not need an assessment of his behavior and actions, he just needs to calm down, inspire him with confidence, help.
The level of claims and performance
Set big, but realistic goals, because only one path leads to a small goal, and there are many ways to a small one.
The degree of difficulty of those goals that a person sets for himself is usually called the level of claims. The concept was introduced by K. Levin to denote the individual's desire for a goal of such complexity that, in his opinion, corresponds to his abilities.
The level of claims can be adequate, i.e. correspond to the abilities of the individual, and inadequate - understated or overstated. People who have a realistic level of claims, differ in their confidence, perseverance in achieving the goal, greater productivity, more critical in assessing what has been achieved.
The inadequacy of self-esteem can lead to extremely unrealistic, overstated or underrated claims. In behavior, this manifests itself in the choice of too difficult or too light goals, in heightened anxiety, insecurity in their abilities, in a tendency to avoid competition situations, in the uncritical evaluation of what has been achieved, in the fallacy of the forecast, etc.
The level of claims is formed under the influence of subjective experiences of success or failure in the activity. In a case where a person experiences success, he gets everything he has conceived, circumstances develop favorably, the level of claims starts to rise. And vice versa, in case of falling into the failure zone, the level of claims in a person starts to decrease. Reducing the difficulty of the target after success, or increasing it after failure-an atypical change in the level of claims-indicates an unrealistic level of ambition or inadequate self-esteem.
Aspiration to increase self-esteem in conditions when a person is free in choosing the degree of difficulty of the next action leads to a conflict of two tendencies:
1) increase claims to achieve maximum success;
2) Reduce claims to avoid failure.
У. James proposed a psychological formula that very clearly demonstrates the relationship between self-esteem and the level of claims:
Self-esteem = Success/Claim Level
If we consider that the basis of self-esteem is a high self-esteem of the individual, then it is obvious that to preserve it, either the level of claims is required, ie, set a primitive goal, or intensify efforts to achieve success.
The situation when a person reduces the level of claims for maintaining high self-esteem can be defined as social cunning: "I like myself, but I do not need anything, and if I wanted, I would easily achieve it, because I am very talented, smart, charming, etc. "
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