Temperament and Tolerance Problem
Everyone knows that irritation, which in our life is caused sometimes by people of different temperaments due to some psychophysiological incompatibility of our immediate reactions to the same situation. For example, phlegmaticians irritate choleric people with their sluggishness, sanguine irritants phlegmatic with their windiness, etc. Let's answer two questions in connection with this:
1) What annoys me people are unlike me temperament?
2) What should I do with my annoyance?
Phlegmatic people irritate others with their inertia, conservatism, stiffness, slowness, equanimity.
In order not to get irritated by a phlegmatic person, remember VA. Sukhomlinsky, who compared the mental activity of a phlegmatic with the course of a slow but mighty river, advised him not to rush into the work with him, not to whip up, as this will not help anything.
Give the phlegmatic more time to perform new, non-standard tasks, to prepare for work. The individual briefing should also be slower and more detailed, then the person will not annoy you with his "stupidity". Remember that the phlegmatic is afraid of quick action and whenever you start urging him, hurry, he is slowed down, because he is afraid of making a mistake. It is necessary to overcome the erroneous installation of phlegmaticians to avoid quick actions, which allegedly doom them to frequent mistakes. Phlegmatic reconciles with what moves and talks, thinks, reacts to orders slower than other people, gets used to this thought and already simply does not make any attempts to act at a faster pace. "I can act much faster without mistakes if I really want this," - about this idea it is necessary to inspire those people who, because of excessive caution, react more slowly than they might ("brake").>
It is important to instill from the childhood phlegmatic constantly monitor the expenditure of time, reduce the time for "swinging", for frequent unproductive pauses in work, i.e. to stimulate constant self-control in relation to the pace of work.
Significantly help in this external stimuli, such as hourglasses, timers, alarm clocks. If you are seriously engaged in the problem of self-education, you need to persistently strive to meet with you the same time.
Phlegmaticians traditionally experience discomfort, anxiety, when you need to move a lot. They achieve the greatest success in those activities that require a uniform strength, perseverance, stability of attention and great patience.
It is useful to organize phlegmatic cooperation with choleric and sanguine people. It is known that we are succumbing to the exciting influence of quick people who work side by side. They, like batteries, charge us.
Choleric people literally exude themselves around themselves with their quick temper, unrestrained, shouting, striving to prove their truth at any price, categorical judgments, insensitivity and tactlessness, intolerance of remarks about oneself.
The most difficult thing in communicating with a choleric is the need to make a remark to them. It is necessary to act cautiously, thoughtfully, especially when it comes to communicating with young people. You can not act as a cavalry assault and in the presence of "viewers". Most people in the presence of outsiders behave not quite natural (the effect of the audience), somewhat agitated and defiant. This is due to a conscious or subconscious orientation to a possible reaction of others and is especially characteristic of choleric persons.
It is important not to argue with the choleric when it is already wound up. At that moment, no convictions, arguments, etc., reach his consciousness. It is necessary to wait for the recession of excitement and begin the conversation with an emphasis on what was said by the choleric correctly.
It is often difficult to restrain oneself from communicating with a choleric person and not flare up. As soon as you feel that irritation starts to boil in your soul, immediately start counting to ten. Good advice, but its actual implementation requires some training.
It is better to start training in your own imagination. V. Levy describes it this way: "Here comes the citizen of Sam-Such approaching you, begins to swear ...
- I breathe smoothly, calmly, thirty-two plus sixteen-forty-eight ... eight.
- In the whole body, a pleasant warmth, 48 plus 43 will be forty ... ninety-one. "
Regularly playing scenes of this kind in the imagination creates an appropriate readiness setting for you. It is only necessary that you imagine the situations in which you can be subjected to insolent insults as vividly as possible. And when this (or even just an insulting) situation arises realistically, the previously created installation will necessarily work in the right direction - you can take control.
With the appropriate motivation, a person with a choleric temperament is able to overcome significant difficulties, giving himself up to business with great passion. However, carried away by some work, the choleric person is too heavy on his means and strength, and in the end he is torn, exhausted more than he should, he is being worked through to the point that everything is unbearable for him. Then comes a breakdown.
It is important to individually work with the choleric. He must realize his own weakness - the weakness of the psychological brakes needed to control himself. In a soft, tactful manner, he needs to point out the difficulties that he creates to others, if possible, talk about ways to correct excessive aggressiveness, irritability, incontinence.
Choleric people often realize their own shortcomings and turn to others for advice, how to overcome them. Just say: "Be self-controlled, calm, balanced" is to brush aside general phrases from the problem. To start, select together 1-2 corrective exercises that can help, and let the choleric methodically perform them.
Exercise Irritation canceled
No matter how you wish to defuse your bad mood with someone close to you or someone you know, do not do it right away.
Find another way - do mini-charging, listen to your favorite recording, walk through the park, etc.
It is necessary to form a habit - not to show your irritation immediately after its manifestation. Try to switch to something more pleasant. Try to start living the whole day without getting irritated by the words and actions of the people around you. If it does, then increase the duration of this exercise to two days in a row. Then take a short break and repeat again. Two days without irritation! And again, increase the duration of periods without irritation & quot ;, for example, up to three consecutive days.
Learn to relate to everything that happens to you, like a gray-haired oriental sage, contemplatively, i.e. before reacting to the words or actions of friends, classmates, just the people around you, ask yourself: What would have done in my place a wise man?
Make a decision and act only after a few minutes of such calm contemplative reflection.
Exercise Single Role
Try to enter the image, for example, of a phlegmatic, calm person who has seen everything, knows everything, and lived in this image for several hours in a row. No matter how difficult it may be, no matter what causes and causes arise, you can not leave the image.
React to what is happening, how would react your phlegmatic hero. First, calmly think things over. What actually happened? Gather additional information to make the necessary decision, postpone it for a while (suddenly something else will happen), and only then act.
Try to reincarnate as a person of another temperament, for example phlegmatic. Speak in a steady and quiet voice, slowly and calmly, pondering your words. Just keep a low profile with people. Start with 10 minutes during the day and bring this time to 2-3 hours. Be sure to analyze your feelings and feelings that you experience when dealing with people in this role.
Develop a habit of analyzing all sudden changes in your mood: what happened, what changed my mood? More often ask yourself a similar question.
And when you get 2-3 dozen answers, look, which of the reasons occur more often. Now the most important thing remains - to exclude the reasons why your mood is so abrupt and unexpected, even for you it changes. Try not to get into situations that lead to a sharp change in your mood for the worse.
Melancholics irritate others by:
- are all afraid, "take a step forward and just two back", are indecisive;
- They quickly and unjustly take offense. A little in the roar or silent. They can not even say shorter words;
- dull, sad, quickly fall into a spleen;
- Do not know how to console yourself, are engaged in warming up their grievances.
To make it easier for you to interact with the melancholic, consider its quick fatigue - both physical and mental. It is desirable for melancholy to provide more opportunities for recreation. Their work should be well planned, then they can achieve significant success in their work.
Melancholic people find it difficult to adapt in a new environment, in an unfamiliar society. They become isolated, become capricious and resentful, lose their self-confidence. Tactfully recommend melancholics techniques of working on yourself.
Exercise & "Counter Humor
You are given a lot of unpleasant moments of mockery at you, jokes of classmates and other people. How do you react to them? Are you embarrassed, upset, go into yourself? From this day, try to ridicule and joke to respond the same. But just do not do this evil, try to be more good-natured. And in order to always have several worthy jokes at hand, collect funny stories, stories, anecdotes.
Exercise My Advantages
On a large sheet of paper, make a list of "My Values" and place it in a prominent place.
Regularly (at first once a day, then less often) supplement the list of your advantages. To do this, you need to carefully study yourself, your features, try to look into your habits, actions.
If you can not find yourself another dignity, contact first the closest people, those who are particularly trusted and whose opinion is important to you.
In a friendly company or at a party, do not sit aside, once again pondering your thoughts, but try to play the role of a mass-entertainer. Offer all participants in the party some game or other interesting activity. It is important not just to offer an interesting game, but also to organize it, attract as many people as possible.
Of course, at first it will be very difficult for you, but the first success will inspire you, you will feel the joy of communicating with people.
Exercise Wider circle
You have some very close friends and you are pleased to be with them, talk about your interests and hobbies. But you should expand the circle of your friends. To do this, at least once a day, start a conversation with a new person for you. It is likely that this will be difficult for you at first, but try to make the first step towards people.
In the company of your friends, try to take on the role of leader more often. In advance, come up with a case that will be interesting for everyone, and then organize others to carry it out. At the same time, act on the basis of your ideas, and do not obey group pressure.
If you can not immediately become a leader in an already formed group, which you also enter, then maybe you should think about and build your own group around you. In it you will be able to become a full-fledged leader. That's only for this you need to show initiative, independence, think for yourself, than to attract people to yourself, than to interest them. Try it.
Knowingly play the role of jester in any company where you have to be. Tell funny stories (you'll have to learn or invent them), learn funny songs with friends, etch anecdotes (although this, of course, is given to you with difficulty).
In doing so, you need to try to feel comfortable, although this will be difficult at first. But every opportunity you need to use to play the role of jester again and again. This role will help you see the world is not so gloomy, and people are not so bad.
Praise, the instillation of faith in oneself, revitalize the melancholy. More often praise them, and your life next to them will be more pleasant, easier.
Finally, if the melanchol finally brought you out of yourself, remember its virtues, for example, increased accuracy, diligence, sensitivity, empathy.
Sanguine annoying others:
■ indifference to other, constant tranquility and good humor;
■ changeability of interests, hobbies;
■ unreliability in friendship, he often does not keep promises.
We need to help the sanguine person realize his shortcomings and offer to work on himself. An important condition for communicating with him is the creation of a warm, friendly atmosphere, the encouragement, the call for overcoming difficulties, the story about the prospects in the event that self-education is bored with a sanguine will be helpful. It is important to instill and consolidate skills of self-organization.
Exercise Permanent Hobby
Make a list of all your latest hobbies, for example for 1-2 months. Analyze them on a 5-point scale, determine the current interest in each hobby. You have to choose from the whole list only one hobby, which should be your constant hobby, for example, for the next 3 months (preferably half a year). This is a difficult decision, but it must be accepted and will continue to be fulfilled in the future.
Expand the boundaries of your hobbies, find new people enthusiastic about the same business, read more, write down suitable newspapers or magazines, sign up (if possible) in a circle or section, etc. Six months later, repeat the analysis, make a list of your hobbies and choose one of your hobbies.
On a piece of paper, write down all your plans for the upcoming day. Now think and cross out what you can hardly do. Look again at the remaining items. If there is no desire to delete, then leave it unchanged. All the remaining must be done! Train yourself to do what you have planned. It's better to schedule less, but to do everything. We recommend making the same plan for the upcoming week, month, year. And just work with it.
Exercise Full Order
Take for yourself the rule of periodically putting things in order, books, textbooks, records. First, put the elementary order on your desk. "Put your mind in order and your thoughts you can use a diary or a weekly journal, in which you should record the main cases for the upcoming day and in the evening to check whether you have fulfilled everything from what was planned. Strive to do everything that is planned.
Exercise Cause Time
You really like to have fun, relax, watch TV, etc. - all this is very good, but try to live using the principle "Cause time, fun - hour". To do this, follow the rule: the next entertainment only after you perform a specific case. So, first thing, and only then - rest. And the more things, the more fun and time to relax.
If nevertheless our recommendations did not help you, you see the shortcomings of others categorically and irreconcilably, as before, then:
1. Maximize yourself by purposeful activity, then you will not have time to quarrel and save grievances.
2. Create an opportunity for yourself to retire sometimes to rest from the person who annoys you, bring your thoughts and feelings in order.
3. Clearly determine how long you will have to endure the person who annoys you. It all ends, so once again remind yourself that in three hours, and maybe in three days, your suffering will end. This thought will give you new strength.
4. Try to find a common goal with the person who annoys you. Nothing brings together like unity of interests and aspirations.
5. Finally, look at yourself. If you are not able to be critical of yourself; do not trust others; do not forgive others their shortcomings (all have the right to drawbacks), then you are completely incompatible with anyone, even with the ideal person you will find an excuse to quarrel.
Be tolerant and others will be more tolerant of you!
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