Ways to solve the problems of development of communicative abilities
Let's consider now practical ways of the decision of the problems connected with correction of communicative abilities. Before we start discussing practical ways of solving the relevant problems, let us make some preliminary remarks.
If during the communication of the counselor psychologist with the client at the confessional stage it turns out that the client simply does not communicate much in life with people and often prefers to be alone than among people, then in itself this fact does not prove that the client really there are problems of a communicative nature. Many people are uncommunicative by nature, and neither they nor the people around them from this especially do not suffer. Loneliness is their normal psychological state, but internally they do not feel alone people. More often it is just the opposite: among people they feel constrained and quickly tired of communicating with them.
It's quite another thing if a person complains of loneliness and personally suffers from the fact that he often has to be alone, and from the fact that he has little contact with people or they have little contact with him.
In this case, we can state that a person has a problem of loneliness and look for ways to solve it. A person who has such a problem usually has other problems, in particular shortcomings in character traits, complexes, underdevelopment of some important abilities, and others.
One of the first steps in the practical solution of the problem of psychological loneliness is to recommend the client to simply be more often among people, not necessarily entering into direct contacts with them. It's enough just to be friendly and watch with interest people, as well as what is happening around you.
It should, however, be borne in mind that most people do not really like it when someone watches them from the side. Therefore, the client should also be advised not to directly monitor those people, among whom he is. This can be done discreetly and unobtrusively, doing something at the same time, for example, reading a book, a newspaper, or just relaxing and looking at people around from time to time.
To get rid of feelings of loneliness, such, for example, recommendation also helps: it is more often to change situations and people, among whom one has to be. Such consciously controlled behavior can help the client to get rid of many communicative problems with time, as, among people, he will eventually cease to experience psychological tension and anxiety and will be much easier to enter into direct communication with them.
If a client complains that he is often not quite satisfied with the results he is trying to achieve with people, he can be recommended to do the following. First, while preparing for the upcoming contacts with people, we must first determine what the results of these contacts can be. Secondly, having determined the possible outcome of communication, to establish what benefits can be derived from it.
If this is done in advance, if the practical development of such a setup turns into a habit of life, then the degree of satisfaction of a person from communicating with people will undoubtedly increase.
This is due to the following psychological pattern based on life experience: a person who anticipates something bad and knows in advance that it can happen, perceives the happening more calmly and with less emotions than the one who was not psychologically is ready for what should happen.
Assume that the client complains that after communicating with people, he often spoils the mood. How can this be caused and how can you practically help this client?
First of all, the psychologist-consultant should find out the reasons why the client, after communicating with people, often is not in a better mood.
If the client directly ask the question about the reasons for his mood deterioration, then probably he will not be able to answer it exactly, since the reasons for mood changes are not always consciously controlled by the person. It is possible that the client does not want to know the real reason for changing his mood, since it is morally unacceptable for him. It is also possible that the client simply never asked himself such a question and did not attempt to answer.
In case there is a last one, a counselor psychologist can advise a client to proceed as follows: every time when after communicating with people he suddenly has a bad mood, immediately, without delay, try to find out why it happened . If this also does not help, and if after a while the client again begins to complain about the inability to understand the reason for changing his mood, then he can be advised to undergo psychological testing or the procedure of psychoanalysis. It is likely that the reason for the deterioration of the mood lies somewhere in the unconscious.
If a client who turns to a psychological counselor avoids people, especially strangers, if he is simply afraid to come into contact with them, then the client should first of all be recommended to force himself to go to communicate with people.
You can do this, by the way, not immediately, but gradually. In the beginning, for example, you should be as much as possible and more often be among people and learn how to react calmly to the fact that they, in turn, pay attention to you.
The fact that people with curiosity examine and study you, shows that you, as a person, are interesting to them. This circumstance should not disappoint, but please the person. Then you can try to begin to actively react to the attention given by other people, for example, by displaying counter-attention to them.
In this regard, you can learn, for example, openly and calmly to meet the eyes of another person, smiling benevolently to him.
After that, or at the same time it is useful to learn by heart and learn how to easily pronounce the forms of speech etiquette suitable for different occasions - those with which you could address a stranger and react to the manifestation of attention on his part.
Finally, you can force yourself to take the initiative in establishing contacts with strangers. Consecutive development and implementation of all these actions, first in communication with fairly close, then - with friends and, finally, with strangers should remove the problem of fear of communicating with people.
If, as a result of the client's psychodiagnosis, it is found that he has poorly developed communicative skills, then the very first recommendations addressed to him should concern how to improve the corresponding skills.
Let's say, for example, that a client is lost in the sight of others and he can not attract the interested and benevolent attention on their part. Then the client needs to help to acquire such knowledge, skills and skills that he could use in communicating with people and solve for themselves this task, that is, to become more interesting for the surrounding people.
The same, of course, could be achieved with the help of some purely external effects: bright, unusual, catchy clothes, extravagant manners, outrageous behavior and the like. However, this way of attracting attention to yourself will not give the proper effect, will not generate interest in a person as a person and desire to communicate with him. External forms of attracting attention can cause interest in a person, but not for long.
It is much more important to have some special, positive psychological qualities. If desired, they can be found in every person, and the task of a counselor psychologist in providing practical assistance to a client in this case is to help him discover such qualities in himself.Sympathy for oneself from surrounding people is often caused by people who themselves know how to be attentive to others who can be interesting and entertaining to talk and listen to.
The ability to listen attentively and benevolently to others is often harder to learn than active speaking, so a counseling psychologist, faced with a similar problem, should advise the client to try first of all to become a good listener for other people.
Becoming a good listener, in turn, means the following:
• show sincere interest in any person;
• patiently and benevolently listen to any person to the end;
• Find and mark positive in any person and in each of his utterances;
• Avoid criticizing people and what they say as much as possible;
• If criticism is still necessary, then learn to express it so as not to offend another person and not to spoil the relationship with him;
• Develop the ability to support, stimulate the positive actions of another person - those that raise one hundred prestige, raise in the eyes of others.
If the client for some reason does not develop a personal relationship with people and his mood spoils after he talks to people - it means that in dealing with them he does not behave as it should, and does not call on them sympathy.
The reasons for this, as a rule, are not fully understood, and the first task of the counselor psychologist is to sort out them together with the client. Further it is necessary to help the client to eliminate these reasons, having prompted to him how it is better and more correct to behave in dialogue with people.
Denote possible causes of antipathy from other people and ways to eliminate it.
Reason 1. The person himself behaves disrespectfully towards people, his actions and statements actually offend, humiliate them.
The way to solve the problem in this case is to understand and change your misconduct, learn to control your actions in dealing with people.
Reason 2. A person in communication with another person involuntarily reminds him of someone who has previously repeatedly provoked antipathy from him. The way to solve the problem in this case is the following: at all costs get in touch with someone who resembles someone and, having talked with him, make sure that he has nothing to do with someone who previously caused antipathy.
Reason 3. An unfavorable general situation of communication, which in itself causes irritation and increased tension, involuntarily worsening the mood and giving rise to negative reactions to the interlocutor's actions.
The way to eliminate this cause is to change the situation, let the person calm down, teach him not to react to the manifestation of antipathy from other people. In addition, it is desirable to learn to maintain a benevolent tone of communication with people in all life situations.
Reason 4. The presence of persistent negative character traits, due to which he often shows an uncaused antipathy towards people.
The way to solve the problem in this case is to help a person restrain himself.
For this, it is first necessary that he realize the shortcomings of his character, recognize them and want to get rid of them. If this does not happen, you can just say that you just show the client how he actually behaves and how he looks from the outside.